The holiday season is known as a time of giving. Right now, everyone is rushing to get their holiday shopping done and cross off everyone on their Christmas list. The problem is, those people might not actually want those presents that their family and friends are planning for them.

As we head into the Christmas season, a discourse has been growing online about whether or not gift-giving is actually selfish. On the surface, it seems like gift-giving is one of the least selfish things in the world. But, when you really think about it, is giving someone else a gift you picked out because you felt obligated to do so a little selfish?

Some people suggested that gifts aren’t always the heartfelt gesture they’re intended to be.

Kat Zhu, a creator who shares lifestyle content, issued a “PSA” for anyone shopping for gifts this holiday season. “Your gift could either be a joy or a burden on someone,” she explained. “Let’s say you give an unthoughtful gift to someone. Now they have to find a place to store it, or a way to dispose of it, or a way to regift it.”

Others agreed. An inner child healing coach named Jen said, “Every time I say to people, ‘Don’t buy me anything for Christmas,’ they still buy me stuff anyway. So if gift buying was about the other person, why don’t people not give when you ask them not to give? That gives me the impression that it’s actually about them.”

Tracy McCubbin, a professional declutterer, shared similar sentiments. “When you give someone a gift,” she advised, “make sure it’s something that they want, need, or use.”

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Although it may be hard for people who love giving gifts to hear, it sounds like a lot of people agree with these thoughts.

Taking a look at Zhu, Jen, and McCubbin’s comment sections shows that plenty of people are on board with the idea of not just giving random gifts out of obligation. 

“I hate when people gift me junk. And then I feel guilty getting rid of it,” one person said. “It’s a form of passive aggression where they’re making themselves feel virtuous,” another added.

The topic also made its way to Reddit, where one user said, “I don’t want you to spend money on things I don’t want, don’t like, and won’t use … You are doing me a FAVOR by not buying me anything for gifts ever, unless I specifically ask.” In the spirit of the season, they also asked, “Why is it so taboo to not give a Christmas gift?”

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While receiving a gift you hate is hard, it’s important to remember that it came from a place of love.

In an opinion piece for NBC News, Ryan Ritchie confessed to being one of those people who want nothing for Christmas. 

“Minimalism is only half the reason I want nothing,” he shared. “The other half is because ‘nothing’ doesn’t force me to dig inside a stocking or unwrap a gift that reminds me how little the people in my life know me.”

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Writing for Psych Central, Sarah Newman, MA, MFA, explained that gift-giving is supposed to be a simple act of kindness, but it’s often much more. 

“True altruism means unselfish devotion to others’ welfare,” she said. “Giving a gift is meant to be a way to express that devotion. It’s an important thing to remember this holiday season.”

Whether or not you believe gift giving is selfish really depends on who you are as an individual. Maybe you accept everything with gratitude, or maybe you’ve had to fake a smile when unwrapping one too many dish sets. What is important to remember is that the person who gave you that gift put their resources into doing so. Maybe it’s not your dream come true, but it should still be appreciated for what it is.

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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.