Oleksandr Zinchenko confessed to feeling ashamed in front of his family as his Arsenal career began to go downhill.
The Ukrainian defender departed Manchester City for the Gunners in 2022 and, aside from some injury issues, was a consistent presence in Mikel Arteta's side during his early days at the Emirates Stadium. However, Zinchenko's circumstances deteriorated in the 2024/25 campaign, when he started just five Premier League matches.
The signing of Riccardo Calafiori and the breakthrough of academy prospect Myles Lewis-Skelly drastically reduced his opportunities. Zinchenko, who won four Premier League titles during his six years at City, struggled to accept his declining position.
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In a fresh chapter of his updated autobiography, he wrote: "I was basically out of the starting XI altogether, bar a few isolated matches. In pure personal terms, it was easily the worst season I ever experienced as a professional."
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He continued: "A player who doesn't play is nothing. It's one thing when your body lets you down. That can happen.
"But going from one of the established players of the side to unused sub is much harder to deal with. The sense of rejection you feel if your manager no longer believes in you can take the stuffing out of you, even if you're the most resilient guy on the planet.
"Sitting on the bench in the Premier League for a very generous wage packet is obviously still a privilege, the kind of problem that billions of people on this planet would swap their much tougher lives for in a heartbeat. Trust me, as a Ukrainian, I'm aware of that. Every single minute.
"But every footballer started playing because they love to play the game. A big part of your life is missing without it."
On the effect it had on his wife, Vlada, he said: "She doesn't want to show that she’s affected, for fear of upsetting me even more. But every once in a while, the mask slips."
Zinchenko recounted one particularly distressing moment when his two daughters attended a match. He remembered: "Eva, the older one at three-and-a-half, says to Leia, 'Look, there's Daddy.' Leia looks all over the pitch but can't find me. And then Eva points and says. 'No, he's not playing. He's on the bench.'
"Hearing that pained me a lot. It made me feel ashamed. I'm quite grateful that the girls are not yet at an age where they're exposed to social media and don't have to read nasty stuff about their dad who can't get into the Arsenal team anymore."
Due to his limited playing opportunities, Zinchenko moved to Nottingham Forest on a season-long loan last summer. However, after making only sporadic appearances under Forest's three managers during the first half of the campaign, his spell was cut short, allowing him to complete a permanent transfer to Ajax in January.
With two of his previous clubs in action, Zinchenko will undoubtedly be keeping an eye on Sunday's Carabao Cup final at Wembley.
