Spending time with friends is supposed to make people feel happier, but sometimes the opposite effect happens. You return home after an enjoyable evening feeling just empty, exhausted or unexpectedly lonely somehow. You may even start questioning in your head the conversations that seemed perfectly fine at the time.




Psychology has several explanations for this kind of experience, which is often called a “social hangover” and it does not necessarily mean something is wrong with your friendships. Mental exhaustion, and the pressure to fit in can all contribute to this kind of emotional crash.



Socialising can drain your mental energy


Even enjoyable conversations requires some kind of effort. People constantly read facial expressions, choose their words, follow discussions and adjust their behaviour. Due to all of this, hours spent in noisy restaurants or large gatherings can become particularly exhausting.




According to Science Insights, people sensitive to sensory input may feel especially drained by crowded environments. The quiet after a gathering can be uncomfortable because stimulation suddenly drops off in the head.



Why people keep replaying conversations


Another explanation is post-event rumination, which is repeatedly going over a social interaction and looking for mistakes in it.




You might wonder whether a joke was awkward, whether someone seemed annoyed or whether you talked too much. These thoughts can turn a pleasant evening into an anxious experience afterwards.




Science Insights notes that people with social anxiety may focus on negative impressions of their behaviour, even when others respond positively. A systematic review published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research also linked repetitive post-event thinking with social anxiety.



When fitting in makes you feel alone


Sometimes, the exhaustion comes from hiding parts of yourself just to fit into a certain group. This is known as masking, a term frequently used in research on autistic adults but also relevant to non-autistic people.




A 2022 study published in the journal Autism found that autistic and non-autistic adults described masking as exhausting and emotionally difficult.




People can feel uncomfortable later on if they share personal feelings too. Researcher Brené Brown coined the term “vulnerability hangover” to describe the dread or remorse that can come with emotional honesty.



Why friends do not necessarily relieve loneliness


Loneliness is more than just the number of people around you, according to Psychology Today. You can be socially active and yet feel emotionally disconnected if conversations rarely go beyond the day-to-day updates.




People don’t talk about their problems because they are scared to be judged or to be a burden. They are socially involved but not really understood.




A study published in Developmental Psychology, which involved 219 adults aged 21 to 84, found out that younger adults generally felt less lonely after recent social interactions, especially face-to-face contact. However, the relationship between socialising and varied across age groups.



What can help?


Try to notice what triggers the emotional dip inside you and if crowds leave you exhausted, allow yourself quiet time after gatherings. If you repeatedly analyse conversations, remind yourself that anxious thoughts are not proof that others judged you negatively.




If you are lonely, but you are hanging out with people on a regular basis, consider whether you are able to express your true thoughts and feelings to your friends.